Past and Present

I have been receiving comments from my friends and family about how i've changed so drastically in a short amount of time, of how i view certain things and how tough and strong - headed i am now compared to years ago. But the thing is, i am not proud of who i was back then. All that i ever talked about is love and relationships and i did tons of stupid things for others so naturally, i have a lot of things to say everyday about those sort of things and it's fun for others to hear because i said those things in a funny way. I was a person who laughed my ass off everyday, joking around and making fun of others but somewhere around 2013, i lost myself completely. I didn't laugh as much, i take things more seriously and i'm no longer interested in love or relationships. I'm sorry but i'm so very tired of those stuffs. I made a complete idiot out of myself and there was nothing to be proud of.

It's true when my friend pointed out that i'm so scared to fall in love to the extend that i build a huge wall to prevent myself from falling again. I have my own defense system, but so far i'm liking that system. In fact, i'm loving my defense mode. It makes me the person i've always wanted to be, the empowered and independent kind of woman. And my friend also pointed out that i can't let go of things that have happened in the past, regardless of what it is and i hate to say this, but yes it's true that i can't let go of certain things. I can forgive people quite easily because i tend to forget about it after a while, but i will not forget how they made me feel. I will never forget what they did, depending on the level of pain they give me. Up until now, i hate the people at my hometown so much that i generalized everyone into one category which is wrong of me. I shouldn't be stereotyping people just because i befriended the wrong ones back then, but the pain i received was big enough to blinded me over who's good and who's not. Perhaps everything will be better if i am willing to let go of those pains but it's still a struggle. Those pains are my motivations. They bring me back up when i was feeling down and up until now, i have been keeping and pressing those pains down under to the point that i barely know it exists. 

Regardless of whether i am falling into the dark path or into the bright path, i love where i'm standing right now and i hope my friends are willing to accept the fact that i've changed and be ok with it. 

The Inside and Out

When i went back to Indonesia a few days ago, which i was there for more than 10 days (surprisingly enough, knowing i don't like my hometown that much but because i miss my parents so much i decided to extend my stay) i received one or two comment from my neighbors about my appearances. They told my mom that i am a lot different now and the way i style myself might look snobbish to others. Fortunately, my mom herself is thrilled to see that i can dressed up well so she receives my changes positively. But to how others look at me, i can't be bothered much. Looking back, i don't have any personal style where all i wore everyday was a t-shirt and a pair of jeans which were not fancy at all. And since i am very much involved in the fashion industry, i decided that whenever i go out regardless of where i am going, i will always dress up well even though i am just going out to print some stuffs. 

I personally think that what i wear, defines who i am and fashion is life - changing in a way, don't you think? I like to look masculine at times by wearing oversized shirts or biker boots because they make me feel empowered and i gain more confidence that way. Fashion is something that you wear everyday and believe it or not, it plays a pivotal role in our life because we live our life in it. But that's just me, i don't know how others see fashion but i personally see a person from the way he/she dresses up. The way they style themselves speak a lot of character. Anyway, back to my neighbors comment about my so called "snobbish" style, i don't think that's true. Just because i dress up well, doesn't mean i am snobbish. It just means that i love myself more now than ever and to love yourself is never, a bad thing. 

Oversized Shirt : Topshop
Necklace and Duffle Bag : Nasty Gal
Bracelet : Style Nanda
Ankle Boots : Alexander Wang

Anyway, this is the first post i wrote where i attached my daily style. I am not as fashionable as other fashion blogger per se, but for me this level of dressing up is good enough as long as i feel comfortable with what i am wearing and i don't really follow a lot of trends by the way because some trends doesn't speak to me or sometimes it's because i don't look good in it. 


Gratitudes

Hi there! 

I've just updated the "WORK" section on my blog. I should've updated my portfolio weeks ago, but I keep procrastinating until this early morning. Well, i actually have no thoughts to share with you but i'd like to share some good news. I got 2nd Place for Student Womenswear Designer Award, a competition held in conjunction with Miami Fashion Week, 2014. And for this win, i have to say that i am very thankful for my lecturer's advice and he's Thomas Wee. He gave some advices in terms of the designs and he made me realized that i should pay more attention to the minor fashion details and how to make things look cleaner. Another person i'd like to thank is Gary Goh because his advices also made me realized that i have some problems with my fabrications and i'd like to thank Lily Wee to help me sew the dress for a short amount of time. Lastly, i'd like to thank my school for being so supportive. They gave me the encouragement and help i needed and i am very grateful to be NAFA's fashion student. 

You can see more of the designs and details of the dress through the "WORK" section. Anyway, I really have nothing to say right now. Normally when i have something to say, i can compose a long blogpost that you'd get tired of reading and i love composing a blogpost. I like to write and to compose those words, of how to make them seem poetic and stuffs. If only i can write an article? But because i don't go to study journalism, i don't really know what's the do's and don'ts and how to trigger the interest of the readers. 

I think i should shut up now and go to sleep. I keep thinking of what to write next and i found nothing. Haha! I'll come back again when i have something in my mind. 

All That It Is

There are several things i hate most in life, which are : 
1.  Inconsideration
2. Last Minute Work
3. Irresponsibility
4. No Action, Talk Only
5. To be figured out later... 

You've known how I hate Inconsiderate people, but what you don't know yet is I hate people who can only talk but has never done anything to fight for what he / she said. I was having this conversation at Ask.FM  about a person who ask what to do if she wanted to pursue Fashion Design. Firstly, I am not writing this to humiliate / to be sarcastic to her but i really think everyone in the same situation should know and should read what i am about to say. 
I have been so irritated these days to hear people saying they love fashion, they wanted to do fashion, and wanted to study it but they did nothing to fight for what they wanted. First of all, i think y'all should differentiate what in the word of FASHION do you love that makes you wanted to pursue it? Because you love drawing? Because you're interested with the glitz and glamour life of Fashion? Because you think it's cool? Or simply because you love to shop and style yourself beautifully?

Let me tell you something, if your reason to study fashion lies on one of those options i just typed, you won't be in Fashion for long. Even if you are, you can't go far enough. Fashion is a lot more than what you think. It is a very competitive business and there are a lot of sleepless nights involved. If you've got no dedication, you won't go far believe me. Fashion isn't just about designing. Designing has such little part on it. It's more about research, technical skills, marketing skills, merchandising, PRs, etc. You think designing beautiful clothes are enough? You need to research about your target market, what they like and how to win them over other competitors. Let me ask you a question i've always been thrown at, "What makes people want to buy your clothes if they can buy it at Zara, Topshop or H&M?" Tell me, how do you win over those fashion giants. I've heard and read a lot of stories about the ups and downs of designers.  A lot of you don't know their work schedule. For some designers, there's no such thing such as weekends or TGIF. They work from 10 am to 10pm or 12 am everyday except Monday. Some of them even work everyday and especially when Fashion Show is near, there's no sleep at ALL. What you see on the runway is their months of hard-work. So tell me, will you have enough dedication to bear all of those sufferings? That is what you have to face if you wanted to be a designer, but if you wanted to simply be a seamstress or to open a made to measure business, it's another matter to talk about. I'm talking about a real fashion designer profession. 

Secondly, if you say you still love Fashion and complain about how expensive it is but you don't do shit about it, i can tell straightaway that you're not serious about Fashion. Fashion is expensive i know. The school fee is a cutthroat, but if you love it you have to find a way to get there. Don't tell me the "You're lucky that you're rich" shit because i'm not. Do you think that me studying in Singapore is easy? I fought with my father a lot of times and guess what, i have to get a full scholarship for my 3rd year here or i can't continue to study my degree. But do i complain about how expensive my degree is? NO. The degree at a certain school that i'm going for, is much more expensive than every other school in the whole world but i never complain about how expensive it is. Instead, i find a way of how to get there. I can wait for several years, working and saving up some money for me to be able to go there. I don't just sit around and thinking about how unlucky i am. I've planned out every single step i'm going to take and i never joke about school. I take school very seriously and i keep my grades high, because that's part of the plan. I sleep lesser and lesser each semester but i didn't complain. I work my ass off without thinking how lucky others are and how i wish my family was rich enough. I work my ass off because i love Fashion and i'd do anything to be who i wanted to be. 
Let's say worst come to worst. even when you really can't afford it you can learn it by yourself through Youtube or other websites. That's why Internet is there, USE IT. You can also apply for scholarships. 

A lot of younger people take fashion as a joke and sorry, i have no respect for people like so. For me fashion is serious stuff. It's something that you wear everyday, it makes you happy wearing it and it can bring confidence in you. It's life changing in a way. A lot of people take fashion for granted and most of them don't know how painful is the life of a designer.

Personally i think, younger people nowadays can't live a hard life. They don't fight for what they wanted and they just sit around, accepting their destiny whatever it is. They all should know that Life's a bitch, seriously. Your younger days might be fun and easy, but that's not for long. As you grow older you'll start to realize that Life is about survival and the sooner you realize that, the better. 

This Act Called Life

Do you know that i'm the kind of person who thinks of random things about life most of the time? I like to observe the life of other people's. Whenever i'm on the train or on the bus, i like to look around and wonder how others' life is going, what problems they are facing and what happiness they are celebrating. Wondering so made me realize that this world isn't just about me. I constantly feel that i am the main actress in this act called life. But no, i'm actually not. I am just a small contributor to life, of how it works and plays. Knowing so, made me feel that i shouldn't be selfish. This world doesn't rotate around me and i should appreciate every little blessings and problems i have in life. I should give more to the less fortunate and i should care more about this earth we're living in. 

There's this one moment in my life, where i really did what other's encouraged us to do. Normally i'm not the kind of person who follow encouragements like saving the earth, or other social / environment - related encouragements. But i did follow what Ellen Degeneres said. She keep saying "Be kind to one another" on her show and i actually followed. I should say, i am truly inspired by her life, her values and her doings. Two days ago, there's an old lady grabbing my hand suddenly asking me to buy a pen from her but i ignored and walked away. My first thought was, that might be a scam. But there's this sudden reminder "Be kind to one another' that keeps shouting in my head as i walked away. I felt really bad and i went back and donate some money to her. Whether it was a scam or not, at least I'm doing what was right. 

Anyway, my point of telling this story is to tell others to be kind to one another. A small action of yours can make others day happier. In fact, i am also inspired by this article i read. It's about making other's life brighter. A small action will make their day, like helping them to stop the bus when they're running for it, lending an umbrella to strangers, etc. Too bad i don't have the link to that, but really, if we can make their day with such small actions, why not? It'll make us feel better about ourselves too. 

Ok, so moving on to another thing i'd like to talk about (yes i like to talk about a lot of things at once). I should say that this long holiday is hell to me. I have been battling with my insecurities, my self - esteem, my confidence, etc. Basically i don't have much faith in myself and yes, others might wonder why i don't have faith in myself when i have several achievements in hand. What they don't know is i have a huge insecurities inside. That's why i keep joining competitions, as it is the only way to prove to myself that i am enough, or i have what it takes to be in the fashion industry. But the problem now is that, no matter how many achievements i have, i constantly feel i'm not enough. I need constant reminder that i am good enough, so i need to join competitions and to actually get selected to make me feel so. But that happiness of getting selected only lasted for a while. When bad times hit, I'll go back to square one again and I'll be battling with my insecurities again. 

I love the fashion industry, to the extend that i don't mind being alone. Believe me, if you knew me for a long time you will never thought that i'll change this drastically. I was the type of girl who thinks love is everything and i spent my life finding the right guy. I spent my days talking about love and guys. But now? I don't even care about guys and love. I talk about what life's about, my dreams, my ambitions, etc.
I am not in love with fashion because of its glitz and glamour but i'm purely in love with the ideas of creating something for the women i wanted to dress. I love fashion so much that i've dedicated my life to this alone. I wanted to contribute, to be a part of something big. And that scares me. That brings out all the insecurities because i constantly doubt myself that i'm able to become the person i wanted to be. I have a very big dreams that even my father and my friends thought i'm crazy and they ask me to be more realistic. They can say what they want, but i keep telling myself that life's short and i wanted to die doing what i love, no regrets. 

Speaking of, i was having a hard time recently besides having problem with my own self. My mother is the biggest supporter of mine, and seeing how she wanted to help fund my studies later in the US, saddened me. She's really the greatest woman i know and to encourage, support and help me even when she can't do much at this point (since my father is the breadwinner of the household) is something i'll appreciate and remember forever. She believed in me so much and even tho i don't believe in myself as much, her supports make me feel that i have to be what i aspire to be. That's why, i am saving up to fund my own studies later. No matter how long it takes and how rough the journey is ahead, i will fight for those who believe in me. And thanks to Prabal Gurung's wise words, it helps me to get through this rough phase. 

"My advice is to not be in a rush to start your own stuff because Im a firm believer in paying your dues. Everyone has their own path to success and the sincere advice I want to tell them is just to create their own path and make sure they dont stop learning."
Read more: http://www.stylecaster.com/jenna-lyons-prabal-gurung-dole-out-advice-recent-grads/#ixzz32kiuhawy

Even though there's a very small chance he'll read this, i have to say that i thank him so much for being such an inspiration. He gives me hope during a hard time like this. I wish i'll have the chance to work for him later in the future, the day i first step my foot at NYC. 

Β 

Best Regards,
Silvia

Words, and what it can do

I should say, that it is no secret that i don't have talent in me. Hell, i'm not even creative. I notice it early in my life and all along, i have been doing a lot of things to prove it wrong. But as it turns out, once you have no talent there's nothing i can do to change it. Perhaps i can cultivate it, but i am not too sure about it either. I was so sad knowing i don't have the talent, when i am very passionate about fashion and all of the works behind the scenes. But as a consolation, i know for a fact that i am more hardworking than everyone i know. I know that at a certain point in my life, hard work is not going to be enough. But what can i do? Even though i don't have any talent, i have to keep on going because this is the only reason i live. There is no giving up nor turning back, because i can't imagine my life without the fashion industry. Even if i turned out to be unsuccessful, i still wanted to create outfits for those strong, independent women. I wanted to change the perception of woman as a weak being. I wanted to create apparels that can boost their self esteem and for them to feel like they can conquer the world. And for them, i will fight.

I know that the roads ahead will be very tough and i will face a lot of struggles along the way, but i love what i do and i will do whatever i can to achieve it. Even when it means less sleep and to double or triple my hardwork. Sorry mom, i am too ambitious. This might leads to me being so in distressed and i might lose my sanity, but without this, i can die too. One way or another, i only have one destination and i live to pursue this. 

Sometimes i wonder why do i make my life harder. I can just live a normal life, settle down and move on with life. But.. i choose to go far beyond and to see how far can i go. 
Why can't i be one of those vain girls who only worries about their looks, their hair and their love life? Why can't i live an easier life? The answer to that is, i don't want to be just another pretty girl. There's a lot of beautiful, young girls out there and i just don't want to be one of them because i know for a fact that beauty fades, but intelligence stays.

Anyway, on a special note i'd like to thank my mom for being one of my biggest supporters. Thank you for believing in me all along and thank you, that you never for once, judged me for my views. Thank you for being there and no matter how ridiculous and high my dream is, you're always there to support me.  And to my dad, i know it is hard for you to accept the fact that i am way too ambitious and i can't do things you expect me to do. I am a different person, from a year ago to now. The old me died, dad. She died long ago, and the now me is this. The insanely ambitious, work - addict young woman. I do not ask for money, for you to support my studies but at least, i ask for your motivation. All along, i am very much self - motivated. But do you know that no matter how self - motivated i am, there are times when i am so very vulnerable with words that could put me down and tore me apart? Others may say that i am not talented, or i am just in luck, but i need my parents to have faith in me. 

Others even judged me, of how can i be the top 3 finalist of an international competition. They said it's just my luck, and how can my designs with no innovations, no creativity be selected. That words hurt. There are a lot of people out there who are trying to put me down, but no matter how hurtful those words are, i have no other choice but to keep going. I dedicated my life to this and if i don't have any talent, so be it. I have to finish what i started, and i want to die doing what i love. 

Deep into Life

I think i'm going to write something quite offensive to certain people, especially those who are from my hometown. I mean, first of all i am saying this based on my own judgement, you either take it or leave it and don't feel offended because i respect your views and please do respect mine. 

So the thing is, i was having this long talk about what i am going to do with my life, my plans, my dreams, etc with my longtime best friend. I was talking about what i am going to do with my present and future life and nothing i say includes the need of a man in my life. Basically i just said to them that i don't need a guy and i don't intend to have one, at least for now because for me, relationship is such a pain. I don't have time for all those bullshits, those dramas, and cheesy clingy stuffs. I am only ready for all those stuffs when i have achieved what i wanted in life. And when i say i am ready, i don't mean that i would want to be a housewife. Hell no. I am not that kind of woman who spends her day at home watching tv, taking care of kids. I want to have my own career and spends my day at office. 

But none of them gets it. I appeared to be too ambitious and men will definitely feel intimidated and feel that i am ignorant. Well, if you feel intimidated, be a better man. If you feel intimidated, that means that i am more competent than you are, and whose fault is that? Don't blame me for my success. Also, i pretty much know that when i say these things out loud i will pretty much scare all guys away from me and i hope they do. I think everyone should know this, that i am not a normal Medanese (my hometown) girl and that's why i can't get along with people from my hometown. 

When all of the girls in my hometown went to saloons for new hairstyles, i cut my own hair. 

Hair treatment? Don't need it.

Spa? Don't like it. 

Skin treatment? Don't bore me with it.

Indulging life with your boyfriend's card? Definitely don't need it. 

Have your boyfriend to carry your handbag? I think that's ridiculous. You carry your own bag woman! 

When everyone's busy with their love life, i am here busy with my life of what can i do to get to where i wanted to be. I am not the kind of person, who waits around for a guy to get my happily ever after. I think happily ever after is a huge bullshit. Be realistic, look around and see how many broken marriages and relationships are there. 

I strongly support woman empowerment and independence, and i am an individualist. I can live without you or maybe even better. I don't need anyone to fill my emptiness. You know what fills my emptiness? My grades, my works, my achievements. Boyfriend may not last, but my achievements will.

I believe that after saying a bunch of brutally honest stuff coming from me, most of you wouldn't get it. But those people who have ambitions and dreams, would. To those who judge my view, let me ask you, what are your aims in life? What is your dream? What do you want in life? 

Most or all of you will definitely say you want to have a good job, a good family, etc. Well, it is easy to state down what you want isn't it? But if i were to ask you, what sufferings do you want in life? Most or everyone of you will say who wants suffering? You definitely don't want it. But guess what? The moment you said you don't want suffering,  is the moment when i see that you don't really want those things. You only said you want it because that is how life works ; You study, you graduate, you find a job, get married, and have a family. That's not a want, it's an expectation. If you ask me, i clearly know what i wanted in life and what sufferings i want, but i don't share the same expectations as you do. 

Judge whatever you want, but i am proud to be me. I am very proud of where i am standing now and my present self is the person the past me can look up to. And my last question to you, will the younger you look up to the present you? 

I know it's a deep question, but i like to talk about deep things rather than talking about those stupid women's strategy and rules on how to get guys. 

Anyway, i am saying all of these with no intention to offend. I love my hometown friends and i respect their point of view about life. But just because mine's different, it doesn't means that mine's wrong and yours are right. 

The Current

I have not been writing for a long time am i? Actually my school does not give too much work this semester but i am just busy finding things to do, like joining competitions, researching on more stuffs and guess what? I have found my 2014 new year resolution! Ever since 2014 hits, i have not been able to figure out what to do this year but now i found so much meaningful things to do and here is my list : 

1. I want to learn new stuff each and everyday, whether it is a general knowledge, technical skills, or fun facts. I would like to know them all! 

Ok so i just have one resolution, because i don't want to have too much resolutions that are not that meaningful. Just this one resolution is worthy enough for me. I am so excited to wake up everyday and learn new things! Anyway lately i have been noticing what do people see in me, and i am not surprised at all for what they say next. I am a work maniac, like literally. I guess that is true that i would rather spend 24/7 doing work rather than wasting it on unnecessary stuffs. But you know what, if you really love something, you commit. And that is what i do. I dedicate myself wholly to the fashion industry and it makes me happy, really. The busier i am, the happier i will be. I like the exhaustions, tensions, sleepless nights and depressions i face everyday because all of those hard works, push me to become a better person and i'd like to be one.

Moreover, I always live upon the thought of we only live once and we should do the things we love now, or never and that is what i have been doing. I believe life is about chasing dreams, and living it. That's why, whenever i saw people who are living their dreams right now, no matter what it is i feel so envious. I'd like to live my dreams too and i really hope i can. 

Once In A While

I bet only some of you guys have ever saw me sketch? I haven't really sketch since i came to Singapore. Usually i just draw and colour it with computer. I never do shading too, and believe me, i suck at it. But i was helping out at my school's open house and i get really bored at times, so i managed to sketch a runway model i saw on an old magazine. 

Gaspard Yurkievich, 2009

Does he looks like a pretty boy? One of my lecturer thought it's a woman and i'm like, NOOOO! It is a guy! 
But anyway, it has been a while since i really sketch and i'm actually quite happy to see the result. It's not that bad. Maybe some other times, i will sketch something like this more. Because usually i just do rough sketches, since i don't have much time to slack. Anyway, what do you think? :)

What Stays And What Goes Away

For these past few days, i have been feeling down and discouraged. It started when school starts and i just don't know why i have no confidence in myself. Maybe it is me, worrying too much about what awaits me on 2014 or maybe i just have a lot of second thoughts. Those thought kills, but fortunately, as my pattern drafting class started and we get to design a menswear shirt out of paper and to experiment on different silhouette and ideas, all of those thoughts flew away immediately and i start to feel like myself again. This is why i love school a lot and i love spending my time doing sewing, drafting, writing reports, researching, etc. Because they took my mind off everything and they literally make me happy. Anyway, i posted this work in progress picture on instagram. 

I was just experimenting on different possibilities and ideas in creating a menswear shirt, since this semester we are doing a menswear collection. My idea of this paper shirt experiment is i wanted to create a modern, minimal, and futuristic looking garment and to my surprise, this design can actually fit on a woman and it can also fit on a man's body if the shirt is to have a short/long sleeve. Correct? It might look more womanly to you because i was using a woman's mannequin. 

I have the collar to be put in reverse, where the opening of the collar is to be put on the back and the collar itself has two layers, of a big and a small layer. I think it will look really nice with great tailoring and made with medium weight fabrications. 

Anyway! This is another design of the shirt. It is actually the wrong side of the first experiment. I just realized when i was packing my stuffs that the wrong side actually looks interesting! So i decided to document it too! 

Welcoming Note

Hi there! I am finally setting up my own website to play as my portfolio and my blog. I may not have much of my works to showcase yet, because i haven't upload them all here. I will make sure to finish it all by the end of this month. Anyway, i am open for any freelance jobs / collaborations. If anyone of you need a designer to create or just to design an outfit or two for an event, do let me know. I may not have much experience, but i do give my best in doing just everything. 

Do supports / comments / like and thanks so much in advance! 

Β 

Best Regards, 

Silvia

Paradox Ad Campaign

School has ended a week ago and even so, it still does not feel like holiday to me. I keep going back to school everyday to rush my other work, to which it is something i am not proud of. I'll post a picture of the outfit i'm working on, but not now. I'm also working on some other things that is to be launch on early December. I just hope there's enough time for me to settle everything and i'm soooo psyched! I can't wait to show you what personal project i'm working on. 
Anyway, i am grateful for the year of 2013. It might started real bad, but towards the end i am so grateful that i get to do a lot of things this year, especially with the Paradox video ad i worked on with my friends. 


ps. the website is fake since it is for the project purpose only.

The video is a masterpiece for my year of 2013. Even though the making of it costed quite a fortune, i'm very happy with all the experience i gained and i've a kick-ass videographer too so that's cool. The idea of the video itself, first came from my insomnia one night. I can't remember it well enough, but it was around the time before school starts or around early school days. I just suddenly have this splash of ideas coming in, about making a horror-inspired fashion ad. It is something extraordinary, that no one has ever done it before (or at least so far from what i know). I personally think this idea will definitely be able to attract people's attention and interest if it is to really be launched. This is because almost every fashion ad is about the same. It is either a short video of the photoshoot or the model walking here and there in that particular garments. Of course there are other ideas, but most of them, for me, are very mainstream. 
But of course, the video is not to be realized without the help of my friends. I'd like to thank Venny Poernomo for helping me with the paper pattern, cutting and sewing of the garments, thank you for being a very dedicated make up artist to the extreme that she will do whatever it takes for the 3 girls to really look like ghosts. She also gave me some additional ideas for the video too!

Secondly, i'd like to thank my videographer, Kevin Yeoh. Even though it's my first time working with a videographer, i'm very happy with his work and results, to where he did all the filming and editing all by himself. He also helped me to improve the ideas for the video. Awesome! 

Third, i'd like to thank all my models. Jessica Tasrif, Juvenia Wu and Janice Pradinata as the ghosts and Jesslyn Felicia as the terrified human. They are all very into their roles, where they can really act as ghosts and their expressions are very convincing too! Jesslyn Felicia, especially, i'm very impressed by her acting skills. She has never done an act before and i should say that she really pulled it off. Her role to run in heels with a terrified face, i think is the hardest since it is hard to run in heels and she has to re-take that scene for a lot of times. Surprisingly, she never even ask for a break and just keep re-taking the scene whenever the videographer asked her to. She shows a high amount of professionalism in both acting and during photoshoot.

Overall, I really appreciate each of their help and supports, and i'd like to thank all of them once again for helping me making this happen. It's the project that is the most costly but yet with the best experiences i've ever received. Thank God that the cost of this project is divided into two, where me and Venny paid for it. But really, despite the cost, the filming experience is so cool!






Anyway, the collection is inspired by pixelated minimalism with a play of the black and white colours to create a gothic minimalism feel into it. Pixelated minimalism itself is about the art of pixel, where an image that has been zoomed in so many times will show a group of small squares that create the image. Therefore, the use of monochromatic plaid fabric is to show the minimal aesthetic together with the inspiration.


Drunk in the daylight

Hi there! I've been missing for a while and you should've known that i'm a very, very busy person. Ha! I'm just busy during college days. Anyway, i miss writing whatever i'm feeling and i'm just going to write now.

Do you all know, that i'm quite a masochist? But i'm not the kind who like to hurt themselves, i just like to feel sad about things, you know. I've always, find a reason for me to be sad about but right now i just cannot find a single reason. I don't really know if it's making me happy... or incomplete? I know, i'm weird. Perhaps this's because i've been living a bitter life for the past few years and i'm just so used to feel sad that i kinda get used to it. But maybe this is a good thing, to not be able to find a reason to be sad about just means that my life's better right?
And actually, i do feel that i'm living a better life now. I'm so fired up, so pumped up to be sewing, pattern making, designing, and do all the things i've been dreaming to do. I love to hear the sound of the sewing machine, the sound of pencil moving along the ruler, and doing quick sketches. All these things, make my life happier. I particularly love the workroom and the sewing room at my school, especially when there's no one inside. It's just me and the machines, and with the sun streaming in the big window glass.., i cannot ask for more. I wish i have that machine at my room, and that big drafting table altogether but unfortunately, an industrial sewing machine can't even fit into my current room. So yeah, i will save that wish for next time.

All these i'm writing right now, might seems weird to most or all of you. It's like, who likes to draft or sew? But i just like them. They are the only reasons that keep me going, or to be exact, school is the only reason for me to keep going. And for the first time in my life, i am so grateful that i don't have to spend my whole day thinking about love or guys or relationships because that's what i usually did most of the time. I was such a clingy person back then, and a hopeless romantic to be precise. I did all these things for the guys i like; i sewn a scarf, i tried everything to cheered them up, i went across the country for them, etc and they are all super super stupid. I cannot believe i did all those things and i cannot believe of how naive and hopeful i was. But even so, i didn't hold a grudge toward anyone. Things happen for a reason, and those are all lessons for me to learn and i am grateful everything didn't work out because i cannot be the person i am today without doing such stupid stuffs.
Anyway, my point is i rarely thought about these love stuffs anymore. Let alone thinking, i don't even believe in love. And to be even more honest, please don't even mention the L word. I also don't like saying/typing it. I believe in relying on myself and chasing my dreams and i feel so happy to be freed from all those dramas.

Earlier this year, i keep questioning about what happiness is all about and now i finally found my happiness. It turns out that i don't need someone to complete my life, i have my dreams to complete the emptiness and it is the best thing that ever happened for me. I am writing all these things, with hope that all of you that are going through a heartbreak will be able to see that when a L doesn't work out, don't torture yourself. I believe there's some other things that can complete your life. For me is a relationship with my machine, but for you maybe it's hanging out with your friend, working, traveling, or anything. There must be something. Don't rely too much on someone and if i can make it then you can too. Believe me, i'm in a much desperate zone back then. So desperate that i cried everyday but now i live a more meaningful life. So yeap, hope this helps!

ps. yeah i'm a bit weird.

"Sometimes people are curious to know how we do all of it, but ultimately you do it because it's the only thing that keeps you going" - J.W. Anderson

NYFW Victoria Beckham S/S 2014





























Photos courtesy of WGSN

Say hello to Victoria Beckham's S/S 2014 NYFW!  I should say that i've just been following Victoria's fashion shows since last year but i've never been as blown away as to what i see now. I personally think she has really step up her game and her collection is just, super chic, strong and modern without overpowering the femininity of a woman. The colour combination i think is very smart, by mixing a hot pink colour with a pure white colour, the use of the fabrication is also fascinating to look at as i love the triangle fabric a lot. It's all and all, one of the best runway show from NYFW. 

NYFW Zac Posen S/S 2014










Correct me if i'm wrong, but did i see the side hemline of the dress falling down? It's pretty disturbing seeing how the dress is constructed perfectly on the bodice part.





























Photos courtesy of WGSN

It might be a bit late for me to post about NYFW now, since it has been going since about last week. But anyway, i'm in love with Zac Posen's collection for the Spring/Summer 2015. The detailing and tailoring are just meticulously well done and i've always took a great tailoring to my admiration. I literally can't imagine how many works of craftsmanship have they gone through to sew a perfectly constructed cocktail dress. Anyway, i haven't read about the inspiration, the concept and key shapes of the collection yet, but i'm guessing there are several shapes here, as i can see a gown in a mermaid silhouette and some cocktail dresses in fit and flare silhouette. Correct me if i'm wrong, since i'm still very new in terms of describing the collection.  
Nevertheless, i admired his usage of chiffon, as in, a lot of chiffons. I think it's the hardest fabric to work with and for him to master the the technical skills to construct dresses out of chiffon is just.... admirable. 

Back for seconds

I don't know why, but i feel like i have less homework now compared to last year and i don't like the feeling of having nothing to do. I feel as if i'm missing something, or if i'm forgetting any important thing. What is it exactly? The worst thing is, since i have more time i keep re-doing everything that i feel doubtful about. I literally keep re-doing things in certain projects because i feel doubtful about my work.  
Anyway, i have resigned from being a sales associate.  I think it's impossible for me to be working and studying altogether as i need to focus on what matters most. Another reason is because i don't feel i learn much there. I applied, hoping i would learn new things and to experience a real retail life but instead i'm folding and re-arranging clothes all day long. It was fun at first, i get to serve customers, observed what they like, learning a few new things but as i'm shifted to other store, i get to do lesser things and 15 minutes feel like an hour. I don't like to waste my time on something unproductive and useless, so i decided to resign and focus on school first. At least i can spend my working time doing my homework which makes me feel happier rather than folding clothes. 
So that's my life. School is good, friends are great, and i'm fine..... at least for now. 

Lost in Time

Hi there! How's life going?
I'm sorry that i'm yet again to abandon this blog. Since school started i barely have time to even shop for new clothes. My time is all spent on reports, projects and eating. Well i thought i need to have at least a good meal to continue my frustrating life. Anyway, i think i won't be posting any outfits anymore as i'm very busy, with the growing stress of my college, my part time job and homework time. I'm currently trying to balance out my time between working, studying and going out with friends. 
School has been really stressful, at least for me, because of all the pressures i have to bear. I don't even know if i'll do good this semester, but i'll definitely try to give my best. 
On a totally different note, a thought came across my mind this evening. I wonder how do i end up in this stage i'm in? I mean, how do i change from a dreamer to a realist and from an optimist to an pessimist. I used to be very bright, a major dreamer and an optimist, but now everything's very dim and i don't have faith in myself. Don't know how and when this started, but i kinda miss my old self. 
Where's me who laughed my ass out everyday, where's me who always did my homework 2 hour before submission, where's me who skipped classes constantly, where's the vain me, where's me who thought life's going to get better, and most importantly, where's me with high hopes and why do i stop dreaming? Somewhere along the line i lost everything i used to believe in.
But i'm not frustrated with this fact though, it just bugs me out a bit because back then, i don't know how to spend a day without laughing and i just seemed happier compared to now. Everything's so serious now, or is it me who's getting more serious? I have no idea. 

Straight hair for a day!
Anyway, i cut my hair shorter a few days ago. I went to the saloon twice, because i didn't re-perm my hair the first time. The hairdresser cut most of my curls off, and the remaining minor curls turns into something you can see above. I personally think i look better and neater in straighter hair, but i really have no time to care about my look since i have to blow dry my hair every morning to make it curls inside, or it'll curl outside instead, if you know what i mean. I don't know how to phrase it right. So i went back to the saloon and get my hair permed. My classes start at 9 am or 11am, and with me often having trouble waking up, having a straighter hair will definitely be a problem. But maybe i'll get my hair straighter later when i graduated. By the time i think i'll have more time to myself and more time to be vain again. Haha!