The Story Behinds

A few days ago, i found out about this singer on The Voice Australia called Harrison Craig. He has the most beautiful voice for only a 19 years old boy and i couldn't help but to feel so very inspired by him. Not because of his voice, but the story behinds it. 
Now, i never say this out loud before but i have been suffering from stuttering problem since young. It was so bad when i was young and as i grew older, it doesn't change much. I became very self-conscious to my way of speaking and it affects my self-esteem. Often there, i feel so bad about myself because i couldn't deliver what i wanted to say... And when i saw Harrison having the same problem, i get it. I get all of the struggles he had been through and how frustrating it is to not be able to speak as smooth as everyone else. 

When i figured that he was the winner of The Voice Australia, i thought to myself that "He did it". He gives hope for not only me, but for every stutterers out there that they can be what they wanted to be even when it involves a lot of speaking and talking. And here it is, i am writing this only to congratulate Harrison Craig on being the winner. It might be a a bit late for me to write this, but it's better than nothing. 

Anyway, i am undergoing a speech therapy lately and my doctor is just great. I love her a lot and she has helped me to overcome most of my speech problems. Now i can talk a lot better than before. If anyone of you is looking for a speech therapy, come to me and i will recommend you my speech therapist. :) 

Deep into Life

I think i'm going to write something quite offensive to certain people, especially those who are from my hometown. I mean, first of all i am saying this based on my own judgement, you either take it or leave it and don't feel offended because i respect your views and please do respect mine. 

So the thing is, i was having this long talk about what i am going to do with my life, my plans, my dreams, etc with my longtime best friend. I was talking about what i am going to do with my present and future life and nothing i say includes the need of a man in my life. Basically i just said to them that i don't need a guy and i don't intend to have one, at least for now because for me, relationship is such a pain. I don't have time for all those bullshits, those dramas, and cheesy clingy stuffs. I am only ready for all those stuffs when i have achieved what i wanted in life. And when i say i am ready, i don't mean that i would want to be a housewife. Hell no. I am not that kind of woman who spends her day at home watching tv, taking care of kids. I want to have my own career and spends my day at office. 

But none of them gets it. I appeared to be too ambitious and men will definitely feel intimidated and feel that i am ignorant. Well, if you feel intimidated, be a better man. If you feel intimidated, that means that i am more competent than you are, and whose fault is that? Don't blame me for my success. Also, i pretty much know that when i say these things out loud i will pretty much scare all guys away from me and i hope they do. I think everyone should know this, that i am not a normal Medanese (my hometown) girl and that's why i can't get along with people from my hometown. 

When all of the girls in my hometown went to saloons for new hairstyles, i cut my own hair. 

Hair treatment? Don't need it.

Spa? Don't like it. 

Skin treatment? Don't bore me with it.

Indulging life with your boyfriend's card? Definitely don't need it. 

Have your boyfriend to carry your handbag? I think that's ridiculous. You carry your own bag woman! 

When everyone's busy with their love life, i am here busy with my life of what can i do to get to where i wanted to be. I am not the kind of person, who waits around for a guy to get my happily ever after. I think happily ever after is a huge bullshit. Be realistic, look around and see how many broken marriages and relationships are there. 

I strongly support woman empowerment and independence, and i am an individualist. I can live without you or maybe even better. I don't need anyone to fill my emptiness. You know what fills my emptiness? My grades, my works, my achievements. Boyfriend may not last, but my achievements will.

I believe that after saying a bunch of brutally honest stuff coming from me, most of you wouldn't get it. But those people who have ambitions and dreams, would. To those who judge my view, let me ask you, what are your aims in life? What is your dream? What do you want in life? 

Most or all of you will definitely say you want to have a good job, a good family, etc. Well, it is easy to state down what you want isn't it? But if i were to ask you, what sufferings do you want in life? Most or everyone of you will say who wants suffering? You definitely don't want it. But guess what? The moment you said you don't want suffering,  is the moment when i see that you don't really want those things. You only said you want it because that is how life works ; You study, you graduate, you find a job, get married, and have a family. That's not a want, it's an expectation. If you ask me, i clearly know what i wanted in life and what sufferings i want, but i don't share the same expectations as you do. 

Judge whatever you want, but i am proud to be me. I am very proud of where i am standing now and my present self is the person the past me can look up to. And my last question to you, will the younger you look up to the present you? 

I know it's a deep question, but i like to talk about deep things rather than talking about those stupid women's strategy and rules on how to get guys. 

Anyway, i am saying all of these with no intention to offend. I love my hometown friends and i respect their point of view about life. But just because mine's different, it doesn't means that mine's wrong and yours are right. 

The Current

I have not been writing for a long time am i? Actually my school does not give too much work this semester but i am just busy finding things to do, like joining competitions, researching on more stuffs and guess what? I have found my 2014 new year resolution! Ever since 2014 hits, i have not been able to figure out what to do this year but now i found so much meaningful things to do and here is my list : 

1. I want to learn new stuff each and everyday, whether it is a general knowledge, technical skills, or fun facts. I would like to know them all! 

Ok so i just have one resolution, because i don't want to have too much resolutions that are not that meaningful. Just this one resolution is worthy enough for me. I am so excited to wake up everyday and learn new things! Anyway lately i have been noticing what do people see in me, and i am not surprised at all for what they say next. I am a work maniac, like literally. I guess that is true that i would rather spend 24/7 doing work rather than wasting it on unnecessary stuffs. But you know what, if you really love something, you commit. And that is what i do. I dedicate myself wholly to the fashion industry and it makes me happy, really. The busier i am, the happier i will be. I like the exhaustions, tensions, sleepless nights and depressions i face everyday because all of those hard works, push me to become a better person and i'd like to be one.

Moreover, I always live upon the thought of we only live once and we should do the things we love now, or never and that is what i have been doing. I believe life is about chasing dreams, and living it. That's why, whenever i saw people who are living their dreams right now, no matter what it is i feel so envious. I'd like to live my dreams too and i really hope i can. 

Once In A While

I bet only some of you guys have ever saw me sketch? I haven't really sketch since i came to Singapore. Usually i just draw and colour it with computer. I never do shading too, and believe me, i suck at it. But i was helping out at my school's open house and i get really bored at times, so i managed to sketch a runway model i saw on an old magazine. 

Gaspard Yurkievich, 2009

Does he looks like a pretty boy? One of my lecturer thought it's a woman and i'm like, NOOOO! It is a guy! 
But anyway, it has been a while since i really sketch and i'm actually quite happy to see the result. It's not that bad. Maybe some other times, i will sketch something like this more. Because usually i just do rough sketches, since i don't have much time to slack. Anyway, what do you think? :)

What Stays And What Goes Away

For these past few days, i have been feeling down and discouraged. It started when school starts and i just don't know why i have no confidence in myself. Maybe it is me, worrying too much about what awaits me on 2014 or maybe i just have a lot of second thoughts. Those thought kills, but fortunately, as my pattern drafting class started and we get to design a menswear shirt out of paper and to experiment on different silhouette and ideas, all of those thoughts flew away immediately and i start to feel like myself again. This is why i love school a lot and i love spending my time doing sewing, drafting, writing reports, researching, etc. Because they took my mind off everything and they literally make me happy. Anyway, i posted this work in progress picture on instagram. 

I was just experimenting on different possibilities and ideas in creating a menswear shirt, since this semester we are doing a menswear collection. My idea of this paper shirt experiment is i wanted to create a modern, minimal, and futuristic looking garment and to my surprise, this design can actually fit on a woman and it can also fit on a man's body if the shirt is to have a short/long sleeve. Correct? It might look more womanly to you because i was using a woman's mannequin. 

I have the collar to be put in reverse, where the opening of the collar is to be put on the back and the collar itself has two layers, of a big and a small layer. I think it will look really nice with great tailoring and made with medium weight fabrications. 

Anyway! This is another design of the shirt. It is actually the wrong side of the first experiment. I just realized when i was packing my stuffs that the wrong side actually looks interesting! So i decided to document it too! 

Welcoming Note

Hi there! I am finally setting up my own website to play as my portfolio and my blog. I may not have much of my works to showcase yet, because i haven't upload them all here. I will make sure to finish it all by the end of this month. Anyway, i am open for any freelance jobs / collaborations. If anyone of you need a designer to create or just to design an outfit or two for an event, do let me know. I may not have much experience, but i do give my best in doing just everything. 

Do supports / comments / like and thanks so much in advance! 


Best Regards, 


Paradox Ad Campaign

School has ended a week ago and even so, it still does not feel like holiday to me. I keep going back to school everyday to rush my other work, to which it is something i am not proud of. I'll post a picture of the outfit i'm working on, but not now. I'm also working on some other things that is to be launch on early December. I just hope there's enough time for me to settle everything and i'm soooo psyched! I can't wait to show you what personal project i'm working on. 
Anyway, i am grateful for the year of 2013. It might started real bad, but towards the end i am so grateful that i get to do a lot of things this year, especially with the Paradox video ad i worked on with my friends. 

ps. the website is fake since it is for the project purpose only.

The video is a masterpiece for my year of 2013. Even though the making of it costed quite a fortune, i'm very happy with all the experience i gained and i've a kick-ass videographer too so that's cool. The idea of the video itself, first came from my insomnia one night. I can't remember it well enough, but it was around the time before school starts or around early school days. I just suddenly have this splash of ideas coming in, about making a horror-inspired fashion ad. It is something extraordinary, that no one has ever done it before (or at least so far from what i know). I personally think this idea will definitely be able to attract people's attention and interest if it is to really be launched. This is because almost every fashion ad is about the same. It is either a short video of the photoshoot or the model walking here and there in that particular garments. Of course there are other ideas, but most of them, for me, are very mainstream. 
But of course, the video is not to be realized without the help of my friends. I'd like to thank Venny Poernomo for helping me with the paper pattern, cutting and sewing of the garments, thank you for being a very dedicated make up artist to the extreme that she will do whatever it takes for the 3 girls to really look like ghosts. She also gave me some additional ideas for the video too!

Secondly, i'd like to thank my videographer, Kevin Yeoh. Even though it's my first time working with a videographer, i'm very happy with his work and results, to where he did all the filming and editing all by himself. He also helped me to improve the ideas for the video. Awesome! 

Third, i'd like to thank all my models. Jessica Tasrif, Juvenia Wu and Janice Pradinata as the ghosts and Jesslyn Felicia as the terrified human. They are all very into their roles, where they can really act as ghosts and their expressions are very convincing too! Jesslyn Felicia, especially, i'm very impressed by her acting skills. She has never done an act before and i should say that she really pulled it off. Her role to run in heels with a terrified face, i think is the hardest since it is hard to run in heels and she has to re-take that scene for a lot of times. Surprisingly, she never even ask for a break and just keep re-taking the scene whenever the videographer asked her to. She shows a high amount of professionalism in both acting and during photoshoot.

Overall, I really appreciate each of their help and supports, and i'd like to thank all of them once again for helping me making this happen. It's the project that is the most costly but yet with the best experiences i've ever received. Thank God that the cost of this project is divided into two, where me and Venny paid for it. But really, despite the cost, the filming experience is so cool!

Anyway, the collection is inspired by pixelated minimalism with a play of the black and white colours to create a gothic minimalism feel into it. Pixelated minimalism itself is about the art of pixel, where an image that has been zoomed in so many times will show a group of small squares that create the image. Therefore, the use of monochromatic plaid fabric is to show the minimal aesthetic together with the inspiration.

Drunk in the daylight

Hi there! I've been missing for a while and you should've known that i'm a very, very busy person. Ha! I'm just busy during college days. Anyway, i miss writing whatever i'm feeling and i'm just going to write now.

Do you all know, that i'm quite a masochist? But i'm not the kind who like to hurt themselves, i just like to feel sad about things, you know. I've always, find a reason for me to be sad about but right now i just cannot find a single reason. I don't really know if it's making me happy... or incomplete? I know, i'm weird. Perhaps this's because i've been living a bitter life for the past few years and i'm just so used to feel sad that i kinda get used to it. But maybe this is a good thing, to not be able to find a reason to be sad about just means that my life's better right?
And actually, i do feel that i'm living a better life now. I'm so fired up, so pumped up to be sewing, pattern making, designing, and do all the things i've been dreaming to do. I love to hear the sound of the sewing machine, the sound of pencil moving along the ruler, and doing quick sketches. All these things, make my life happier. I particularly love the workroom and the sewing room at my school, especially when there's no one inside. It's just me and the machines, and with the sun streaming in the big window glass.., i cannot ask for more. I wish i have that machine at my room, and that big drafting table altogether but unfortunately, an industrial sewing machine can't even fit into my current room. So yeah, i will save that wish for next time.

All these i'm writing right now, might seems weird to most or all of you. It's like, who likes to draft or sew? But i just like them. They are the only reasons that keep me going, or to be exact, school is the only reason for me to keep going. And for the first time in my life, i am so grateful that i don't have to spend my whole day thinking about love or guys or relationships because that's what i usually did most of the time. I was such a clingy person back then, and a hopeless romantic to be precise. I did all these things for the guys i like; i sewn a scarf, i tried everything to cheered them up, i went across the country for them, etc and they are all super super stupid. I cannot believe i did all those things and i cannot believe of how naive and hopeful i was. But even so, i didn't hold a grudge toward anyone. Things happen for a reason, and those are all lessons for me to learn and i am grateful everything didn't work out because i cannot be the person i am today without doing such stupid stuffs.
Anyway, my point is i rarely thought about these love stuffs anymore. Let alone thinking, i don't even believe in love. And to be even more honest, please don't even mention the L word. I also don't like saying/typing it. I believe in relying on myself and chasing my dreams and i feel so happy to be freed from all those dramas.

Earlier this year, i keep questioning about what happiness is all about and now i finally found my happiness. It turns out that i don't need someone to complete my life, i have my dreams to complete the emptiness and it is the best thing that ever happened for me. I am writing all these things, with hope that all of you that are going through a heartbreak will be able to see that when a L doesn't work out, don't torture yourself. I believe there's some other things that can complete your life. For me is a relationship with my machine, but for you maybe it's hanging out with your friend, working, traveling, or anything. There must be something. Don't rely too much on someone and if i can make it then you can too. Believe me, i'm in a much desperate zone back then. So desperate that i cried everyday but now i live a more meaningful life. So yeap, hope this helps!

ps. yeah i'm a bit weird.

"Sometimes people are curious to know how we do all of it, but ultimately you do it because it's the only thing that keeps you going" - J.W. Anderson

NYFW Victoria Beckham S/S 2014

Photos courtesy of WGSN

Say hello to Victoria Beckham's S/S 2014 NYFW!  I should say that i've just been following Victoria's fashion shows since last year but i've never been as blown away as to what i see now. I personally think she has really step up her game and her collection is just, super chic, strong and modern without overpowering the femininity of a woman. The colour combination i think is very smart, by mixing a hot pink colour with a pure white colour, the use of the fabrication is also fascinating to look at as i love the triangle fabric a lot. It's all and all, one of the best runway show from NYFW. 

NYFW Zac Posen S/S 2014

Correct me if i'm wrong, but did i see the side hemline of the dress falling down? It's pretty disturbing seeing how the dress is constructed perfectly on the bodice part.

Photos courtesy of WGSN

It might be a bit late for me to post about NYFW now, since it has been going since about last week. But anyway, i'm in love with Zac Posen's collection for the Spring/Summer 2015. The detailing and tailoring are just meticulously well done and i've always took a great tailoring to my admiration. I literally can't imagine how many works of craftsmanship have they gone through to sew a perfectly constructed cocktail dress. Anyway, i haven't read about the inspiration, the concept and key shapes of the collection yet, but i'm guessing there are several shapes here, as i can see a gown in a mermaid silhouette and some cocktail dresses in fit and flare silhouette. Correct me if i'm wrong, since i'm still very new in terms of describing the collection.  
Nevertheless, i admired his usage of chiffon, as in, a lot of chiffons. I think it's the hardest fabric to work with and for him to master the the technical skills to construct dresses out of chiffon is just.... admirable. 

Back for seconds

I don't know why, but i feel like i have less homework now compared to last year and i don't like the feeling of having nothing to do. I feel as if i'm missing something, or if i'm forgetting any important thing. What is it exactly? The worst thing is, since i have more time i keep re-doing everything that i feel doubtful about. I literally keep re-doing things in certain projects because i feel doubtful about my work.  
Anyway, i have resigned from being a sales associate.  I think it's impossible for me to be working and studying altogether as i need to focus on what matters most. Another reason is because i don't feel i learn much there. I applied, hoping i would learn new things and to experience a real retail life but instead i'm folding and re-arranging clothes all day long. It was fun at first, i get to serve customers, observed what they like, learning a few new things but as i'm shifted to other store, i get to do lesser things and 15 minutes feel like an hour. I don't like to waste my time on something unproductive and useless, so i decided to resign and focus on school first. At least i can spend my working time doing my homework which makes me feel happier rather than folding clothes. 
So that's my life. School is good, friends are great, and i'm fine..... at least for now. 

Lost in Time

Hi there! How's life going?
I'm sorry that i'm yet again to abandon this blog. Since school started i barely have time to even shop for new clothes. My time is all spent on reports, projects and eating. Well i thought i need to have at least a good meal to continue my frustrating life. Anyway, i think i won't be posting any outfits anymore as i'm very busy, with the growing stress of my college, my part time job and homework time. I'm currently trying to balance out my time between working, studying and going out with friends. 
School has been really stressful, at least for me, because of all the pressures i have to bear. I don't even know if i'll do good this semester, but i'll definitely try to give my best. 
On a totally different note, a thought came across my mind this evening. I wonder how do i end up in this stage i'm in? I mean, how do i change from a dreamer to a realist and from an optimist to an pessimist. I used to be very bright, a major dreamer and an optimist, but now everything's very dim and i don't have faith in myself. Don't know how and when this started, but i kinda miss my old self. 
Where's me who laughed my ass out everyday, where's me who always did my homework 2 hour before submission, where's me who skipped classes constantly, where's the vain me, where's me who thought life's going to get better, and most importantly, where's me with high hopes and why do i stop dreaming? Somewhere along the line i lost everything i used to believe in.
But i'm not frustrated with this fact though, it just bugs me out a bit because back then, i don't know how to spend a day without laughing and i just seemed happier compared to now. Everything's so serious now, or is it me who's getting more serious? I have no idea. 

Straight hair for a day!
Anyway, i cut my hair shorter a few days ago. I went to the saloon twice, because i didn't re-perm my hair the first time. The hairdresser cut most of my curls off, and the remaining minor curls turns into something you can see above. I personally think i look better and neater in straighter hair, but i really have no time to care about my look since i have to blow dry my hair every morning to make it curls inside, or it'll curl outside instead, if you know what i mean. I don't know how to phrase it right. So i went back to the saloon and get my hair permed. My classes start at 9 am or 11am, and with me often having trouble waking up, having a straighter hair will definitely be a problem. But maybe i'll get my hair straighter later when i graduated. By the time i think i'll have more time to myself and more time to be vain again. Haha! 

Happy Birthday A!

Wak Noer has a seriously cute headband!

Hi there! So once again, i'm back in Medan, a place i'm not proud to be born in. How so, you ask? Well, because all that the place has to offer for me is a truckload of stress, frustrations and backstabbing people and i'd rather not prolong the reason why anymore.
Anyway! I was celebrating my best friend's birthday 2 days ago and so far i think it's the best surprise plan i've ever made. I was so happy to be able to make the plan came true, so thanks a lot to Roemah Kopi Waknoer Crew for helping out and also lending me their waitress' uniform. I'm so grateful for their help! Some people might think the birthday surprise was a bit too much, but i have an absolute reason for it. Just so you know, my birthday is always a disaster and i've never spent my birthday with tears full of joy but with tears full of stress instead so i wanted my best friend to be able to get the things i can't have. Since i can't be happy for mine, at least i want to be happy for other's. So that's one of the reason why. Another reason is because, quite frankly, i don't think this friendship is going to last forever. I mean, i think we can't have the same friendship we had back then. With all this distance thing and with us growing up, with different mindset and different aims in life, obviously it'll drive us apart sooner or later. I'm not closing the friendship off, but it's called being realistic and due to this fact, i think i really need to create a beautiful memory between us. She has been a part of my life i can never forget and i literally don't know how can i survive my junior and senior high school without her. She's the first real friend i had and one who truly treated me like a friend.
So there goes the reasons for me to create this whole surprise. It's going to be a once in a lifetime experience in her life, while it's going to be the first successful birthday surprise i planned which means there'll be second and third plan for my other best friends.
On a totally different note, I seriously think life is more happier if i spend it more in giving rather than receiving. I think it's happier for me to see the happy look on other's face.

Streaks of Blue

Shirt from G2000, Shoes from Vincent Camuto and Suspender from H&M.

Hi! I'm so excited to write this post and you might've noticed that i didn't state where does the skrit come from. It's actually selfmade by myself! The story of this skirt is quite long actually. The idea comes from the extra fabric that i bought. You might have known that i'm a spender. I'm not just a spender in clothing, but in fabrics too. I have so many extra fabrics still lying on my fabric box and i have no idea what to do with some of them. Anyway, I've never made anything asymmetrical before so i figured i might as well use the extra fabric to make it since i have like 2 metres of drill.
Interesting fact about this skirt : I didn't do any drafting or pattern making. I did it directly onto the fabric without proper math and as a result, the measurement of the waist was 2 times bigger than the normal measurement. It literally looked like a skirt for XXXL woman. It was horrible but you know me, giving up is never my thing. So i did a huge inverted pleat in the back using the extra seam and make it asymmetrical. That's why the back of the skirt is puffier and the skirt is a bit structured, just like my imagination. And that's how i turn my mistake into something right!
Anyway, i'm sorry if what i'm saying now doesn't make any sense to you since some of you probably aren't fashion students. I'm just blabbering about things i feel excited and happy about. But really, i can't describe how in love i am with fashion and it's not because i get to wear fancy and beautiful clothes, but because this is where we create something out of nothing. I love the whole process on the backstage, from inspiration searching to making it to life. I mean, it's literally about actually creating something that's in your mind. We get to sew it into life and see how beautiful it is in reality. It might means nothing to you, but it means the world to me. It's a world where fairytale actually comes true, you think about your design and you make it. No limitation.
But still, i'm barely a fashion designer. I'm still a student under training. There's still a lot for me to learn and experience and i just can't wait to learn it all. But regardless, there are also times where i just feel lost in my major. I'm majoring in fashion merchandising and marketing, but i'm more excited about what fashion design students get to do. They get to learn more about sewing, pattern making and draping whereas mine's more about researching, calculating and writing reports. But anyway! It doesn't matter because i do love my major. I get to know the fashion business inside-out! I can still learn sewing/pattern making/draping later on after graduation ;)

I don't do knockoffs.

Hi there! Here's my best buy of the month : Vince Camuto platform heels! It's something i've been wanting for so long! I first saw this last year in around September - October but it's a bit too off my price range, which is S$200. I mean, 200 bucks for a pair of heels? I got no money! I thought about giving it up but sometimes i liked to checked onto the stores and see if it's still available. Lucky for me, it's still available and is sold in half price due to GSS. This shoe is destined to be mine perhaps? Lucky!

On a totally different note, I've been spending some time to really deal with my blog and update it more often since i have a growing habit of abandoning this blog for i have so little time for myself back before holiday. But i'm here now with more time to spend that i plan to include photos of my daily outfits / stuffs that i recently bought. It's not easy for me to shoot my daily outfits though, that's why i keep using the same background which is my room. Sorry if it's so boring, but it's more convenient this way since i'm very self-conscious and i don't have a high level of confidence to shoot outside with people walking by. Let's just see the boringness as a part of my charm? Jk.
Anyway, i've been thinking about informing my friends / old readers in my facebook or twitter page about the recent change in this blog and that i'm getting back on track. But the more i think about it, the more i think it's more comfortable this way.. you know, keeping it unknown with only a few readers. This is due to the fact that all the stuffs i wrote are sometimes hard to accept. Please note that these are all my opinions regarding certain things. I view things differently, i have a different goals and aims in life. I know there's only a few people out there who share the same point of view as mine and that my point of view is quite offensive at times for people who share the opposite.
Furthermore, I personally think that people who have been following the updates of this blog are the people who can accept the way i point out my opinions even when it's offensive. So i'm really not prepared for new readers that will probably be pissed and i'm actually very happy with my blog's unknown condition right now. But just to make sure, is it that offensive though? I need to know, just in case.

Enough about my blog's issue. Let's get going to mine ;)
I've been reading thru my blog posts, yet again, and i feel as if i have been portraying a really sad and miserable image of myself? It's like i rarely see myself writing happy things. But to make things clear, i'm actually a cheerful person. I joked around, played around, and i laughed almost everyday when no guys was to screw my mood. But the difference is that, i can't have the exact amount of fun i had back in my hometown in Singapore. There's a difference in how people react to certain jokes, whereas mine tend to be sarcastic joke and dirty at times (hehehe) and i don't have a partner in crime either. Also, with all these problems i have to face, being cheerful is the least thing i wanted to do. What's important is to keep my emotions in place, because i don't like to get angry and shove my madness into somebody else's face. I'll definitely end up crying publicly and it's not going to be pretty.
Anyway, that's it for today! :)


This is definitely the first time of me to title a post in chinese words. Some of you might not understand or i might use the wrong chinese word to phrase it correctly, but it should mean "Don't look into the future to be so perfect". It was something my chinese colleague said to me earlier and she might not know this, but her sentence has a very deep meaning. It hits me right away that yeah she's right and i wonder why i never thought about it? I mean, if i was to ask you how do you see yourself in 10 years time? Most of you or probably all of you would probably answer "Settling down and start a family", "Working is my life", "a billionaire" or even "Forever single. It's awesome". The last one is a sarcasm, but anyway, you get my point. No one would say "I will be unhappy", "I will be really broke" because none of us ever see our future in a hopeless way. It makes me wonder if it's due to the fact that we are all living a life where we believe in happily ever after because ever since we're young we've been watching and reading story books, comic books, cartoon and movies that end happily and they eventually build an illusion in ourselves that everyone deserved and will have a happy ending. But unfortunately, reality doesn't go that way. A guy doesn't just pop out of nowhere and loves you until he dies, success doesn't just come in a snap and it can't even last long if you're not really serious in it. Accidents happen, time changes, people change and in the end we are bound to accept the reality.
Anyway, i'm sorry if this post sounds really discouraging but i'm just stating what i feel is true. I don't want to lie to you and say this "You'll have an awesome future. Rich, big house, handsome husband, cute kids. A happy ending" *puppyface*. I wouldn't throw that crap at anyone because even the richest families have their own problems that we didn't know.
Again, i'm sorry that i sound discouraging. It's just, i've been living a life full of bullshit, problems, disappointments and lies whereas i've been dreaming since i was a kid to be a really happy person, living a peaceful and perfect life but what do i get? So far, peaceful and perfect is hardly seen. I can vividly see tons of problems and disappointments await down the road. 
But um, these are just my opinion. I'm not a believer but if you are, keep believing and don't let reality steals your dream away the way it steals mine.

Neon pink top and checkered shirt from HnM, Highwaisted shorts from Topshop, Boots is brand-less and the guitar is my sister's. 

A Life in Crisis

You know.. Some people see me as a talented person but i've never for once thought i am a person with talent. I'm not saying this to flatter myself, but really, i have a very conservative mind and not creative at all. I'm never good at making scrapbook, of how to decorate it creatively and in terms of design especially i cannot design couture clothing. That's why i have a minimalist aesthetic, because i'm not creative enough to be able to design interesting garments. All of my achievements now doesn't come from whatsoever talent. It all comes from my hard work and i cannot stress this enough that i really work my ass off to achieve all those things. You don't know how many sleepless nights i've spent, how much tears i've cried out, how many times i thought about giving up, how many people i've shut down from my life, how many problems i encountered along the way and how stress i was. It doesn't come in a blink of an eye and it's never been easy for me either. So i think it's unfair to me if people think how easy i get things and how hard it is for them. 
None of you have any idea how i spend my days and you should be grateful for the life you have right now. Even if you're not good at doing schoolwork, i know for a fact that at least you have a better life than mine. At least you are surrounded with good friends, good people, you spend your days with laughter and less stressful. My life in the other hand, is a crisis everyday. I get paranoid over little things, i spend 70% of my life stressing about my problems and honestly, i sometimes cried silently at night. I have so many problems at a time that i have to cry it out. All of these are embarrassing to admit, but do you really want to have a life like mine to get good grades at school? I don't have anyone to rely on because everyone will disappoint me eventually. But at least school doesn't. My passion and my dream never disappoint me. That's why i hold on to it so tightly that i choose to live this way. So be happy for the life you have and for what you get. 
Anyway, I can't help but notice that some people are trying to compete with me and i don't know how many times i should say this but i don't compete with anyone and no matter how many times you're trying to compete with me, i'll still be ignoring you for sure. 

To make this post less depressing, here's my outfit for yesterday. Black Dungaree and plain white Ts from Topshop, shoes from Charles and Keith, and socks from HnM :)

Sneakers Get Loud

You know, i've been wanting to create a fashion blog. I've been wanting to do so since years ago but i never got the chance to since i obviously need to spend a lot of money in clothing and i know my blog is not as famous or as known as other popular fashion blogs but i'm just posting this for fun. They said that to make a fashion blog famous, you have to comment on other fashion blogs by sharing your blog's url to make yourself known but i just think that's annoying. I don't want to annoy people or to beg for likes or followers for my blog. My blog is perfectly great, likes or no likes, more followers or less, doesn't matter because this is just a platform for me to share my thoughts and now it is another platform for me to see what changes i've made in terms of styling myself. One thing though, i also get to show you guys my designs that i sew into life. So yeah, stay tune!!