These past few weeks have been a super intense roller coaster ride and up to now, i am still feeling a bit of the stress. The pressure is just too much and it is the highest pressure i have ever received yet. Those sleepless nights, worries, paranoias, caffeine i've been consuming regardless of it being redbulls or coffees from various stores, i am about to collapse. But during those hardships, i realized something. I realized who really care and who don't. Some of those people i am closed with, don't care about my well - being. All they care about is how i can benefited them through this event that has made my life a living hell. They don't care whether i am sick, or if i have chest pain or if my heart is beating irregularly. Realizing that, i am not working hard on this event for them. No, i am working so hard only for someone who has taken the time and energy to guide and teach me going through this event. He is the greatest lecturer i can ever ask for. His criticisms, scoldings and honesty toward my work over the past 2 weeks have made me a better person. He changes my point of my view completely. And yes the criticisms and scoldings almost made me cry or have it made me cry but never once, was i mad at him for doing so. Instead, i was (almost) crying due to the fact that i can't do things based on his expectations and for me not to understand his guidance.
I was and still am in a depressed mode because i cannot be as good as he expects me to be. But really, thanks to him now i learned how to observe the line aesthetics, the details on clothes and i flipped through magazines more often than before. He is right, i need to see more. I need to build up a sense of curiosity towards things. He made me realized there are unlimited amount of knowledge i need to learn and the me right now, is not good enough. I am thankful that he pointed out the fact that i am not good enough, because all along, i have never heard such a comment. What i have been receiving are compliments and advices but not a brutally honest opinion from someone with so much experience. I learned from that moment on that, i can't always seek for compliments or approval from others but instead i need to seek for more criticisms, honest criticisms. To know where you're not good at is the best way to learn and better yourself.
This past few weeks have been a living hell, undoubtedly. But i still love what i do and i am glad that it has been hell because i can't learn this fast and know this much within this short period of time. I am lucky to know him and to be taught by him. There's no amount of gratitudes can i express to show how grateful i am. So hereby, i want to say Thank You.